Wednesday, June 1, 2011


I had a really hard time getting this post finished. Normally, I don't have a problem discussing my weaknesses -- including this one. The real problem for me was the realization that, in order for people to properly understand, I was going to have to find and post pictures. For an arachnophobe, staring at enlargements of spiders can get pretty uncomfortable.

Yep. I'm scared of spiders. I'm a pretty large guy, and in my lifetime, I've overcome fear of the dark, fear of heights, fear of bullies, of shame... even the fear of public speaking. But those little, furry, eight-legged bodies just scare the hell out of me. 

Let me put it this way: Eight legs!  Eight! What the hell needs eight legs?! And eight freaking eyes? Are you kidding me?!  It's like God wanted to make a creature just for the singular purpose of staring down a man and saying, "Hi, puny 2-legged, 2-eyed person.  I'm literally 4 times the creature you are, AND I'm still small enough to get under your shirt or up your pantleg before you have any idea I'm even there!" 

In general, I'm a pretty intelligent guy.  Intellectually, I understand that most spiders (i.e. the kind I'm going to run into on a day-to-day basis) really can't hurt me.  I know that, if the little freaks even bother with me, at most I'll get a couple little bumps on my skin for a day or two, and life will go on.  In my head I understand this. 

That's why they call it a "phobia." 

Now, don't get me wrong... the fear of some spiders is perfectly rational.  Brown Recluse, Black Widows... it's perfectly reasonable to be afraid of run-ins with these critters.  And as I said, when it comes to the others, I get it: normal people aren't afraid of them. 

Of course, when normal people see a spider, they see a vaguely creepy, eight-legged little thing that eats houseflies and mosquitos.  A regular, by-gosh boon to humanity and indeed the entire world.

I see this:
Tell me you aren't terrified right now.


  1. I was completely phobic of spiders when I was growing up. We got wolf spiders in our house. Not terribly venomous, but HUGE! And they seemed to like the bathtub--nothing like pulling back the shower curtain and seeing a hairy, eight-legged monstrosity clinging to the wall.

    Since having kids, though, I have had to shift into the role of spider-killer around here (when my husband isn't home, that is) and it took a LOT for me to do that. But somehow, my phobia has eased.

    Roaches on the other hand...(*shivers*)

  2. Honestly, I'm not 100% sure when I became phobic of spiders. Ironically, I think it may actually have something to do with the movie "Arachnaphobia."

    I, too, am the slayer of arachnids around the house. I think the cat would do it if she could, but she can't jump that high. Pity. As often as I can, I leave them alone. But when they invade my space, I act out of sheer panicked necessity.

    Got a couple in the bathroom right now that I really need to get rid of. So far, they haven't been cooperative enough to stick close to the wall, though, so attempts on them may well result in them actually landing on me. This, I can't have. orb, I think... not harmful, but ugly. And what I think is an Agressive House Spider (also not harmful, but damned if she doesn't LOOK it).

    Here's where it gets freaky. There WERE two orb spiders... now there is one orb spider and the House Spider, in all its evil, angular glory, where the other one was...

    Yes, I pay attention.

  3. Seriously, you know the routine of the spiders in our bathroom? That means they've been there TOO LONG!!! Earn your keep, man. No more desserts for you until the bathroom is spider free!!!! ;)

    p.s. love you!