Thursday, September 5, 2013

How To Write A Syfy Original Movie...

A friend of mine just posted on Facebook that he wants to write a Syfy original movie. Which is awesome, because I've been harboring the same dream for a few months now.

I believe I can make this a reality, because I believe I have figured out the formula. But why should it stop with me and my Facebook buddy? Take a crack at it yourself - but remember the formula.

Ready for it? Here it is: the recipe for crafting hit B-movies for the Syfy Channel!

1. Introduce a random character nobody will care about. Then kill him horribly.

2. Introduce the main character, preferably driving. He can either be introduced with a faithful dog who will outlive almost every other human character, OR, with a group of 4 buddies (2 girls at LEAST), 3 of whom will also die horribly. There should be some inexpensively derivative music on the radio.

3. Find a convoluted way to bring "science" into it. This will work best if delivered by somebody nobody will
ever, in a billion years, believe as a scientist. Write the part for Tara Reid, because there's a good chance she's available.

4. Find a roll for one of the following (at least): Dean Cain, Mark Decascos, Judd Nelson, or C. Thomas Howell. Give that person all the "tough guy" lines, unless it's Judd Nelson.

5. Write an entirely context-inappropriate sex scene between two characters who barely know one another, one of whom should have by now suffered the trauma of watching his or her sibling, best friend, or lover die.

6. End Movie.

7. Gotcha. Monster gets back up... kills somebody. Probably Tara Reid.

8. End Movie for real this time.

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