I got fired Monday. Nobody made a big deal. It wasn't a blaze of Rebel DJ Glory. I simply got off the air, got called into a room with the GM and Human Resources and told that my services were no longer required. I was given the option to resign, but let's not kid ourselves, shall we?
I couldn't say anything. I packed my junk: books, CDs, notes from interviewees and listeners and coworkers, various accumulated knick-knacks -- put four years of my life back into my van and headed home.
And then I called my wife, got on the computer, and went into professional DJ mode: sent messages to colleagues and contacts and let them know I'd been shown the door and was now officially, for the first time in over nine years, "on the beach*." I searched radio jobs in the area (my wife has a great job, and moving isn't really an option) and updated my resume. Went outside, quietly celebrated my first ever firing (literally first ever) with a cigar, because it seemed like the thing to do, and prayed that God would show me what His plan was. Applied to two jobs that seemed like a good fit.
Those were my first four hours of unemployment. Things slowed down considerably after that.
Yesterday, my first full day of unemployment, was depressing. It was gray and rainy. My left hand ached with arthritis. I saw the kids off to school, which was nice, grabbed some coffee and... sat. I did manage to get industrious for a little while and went back into "unemployed professional" mode. Which mostly consisted of updating my LinkedIn profile and making contact with more colleagues to inform them of my newfound free agency. In a fit of aggressive optimism, went shopping for interview clothes and found out that if fat guys want dress shirts, we have to pay more than twice what "average" people do. So that was nice. My optimism dwindled swiftly.
Time moves differently when you're unemployed. When you have a job and are merely looking for an upgrade, you understand that job applications take some time to get into the right hands. That they have to be sorted, and gone over, and moved into piles. That it could take weeks before anyone even gets back to you with a "thanks but no thanks" or a "let's talk." In unemployment time, every phone call that isn't from a prospective employer is another reminder that you're waiting. Another reason to ask, "am I good enough?"
Because, no matter how big and strong your ego -- and in this business, they grow them pretty tough. Sampson tough. -- getting fired is a blow, and every minute you're not talking to someone who's telling you that you sound like a great fit for their organization just weakens it that much more.
And that's really what this all boils down to: Getting fired sucks.
Losing a job you loved, with people you truly enjoyed working with -- and getting the news from management you genuinely respect that you're just no longer a fit for their organization -- sucks.
So, it's 4am, the start of my second full day of unemployment.
I should be getting ready for work right now.
*("On The Beach" is a broadcaster euphemism for "unemployed." It... sounds nicer than it is.)
Sorry about that, Randy. I know it's a hard blow, but remember... when one door closes another one opens. Let's believe that God will open an even better door. Everything will work out fine. :)
ReplyDeleteOur prayers are with you bud. My situation is different than yours, but we are both looking for work. This year is going to be a good one, even if it waits until the last minute. I believe that. Revelation 3:7 came up in our small group and in my personal devotions...fitting for times such as these. Godspeed my friend!
ReplyDeleteI know that moment, Randy. It happened to me when I "resigned" from the library in 1999. It took a long time for me to see it from God's perspective. He's been faithful to provide for me and I know He will provide for you and your family. It probably won't be easy, but you have great gifts and creativity. My prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteI know that moment, Randy. It happened to me when I "resigned" from the library in 1999. It took a long time for me to see it from God's perspective. He's been faithful to provide for me and I know He will provide for you and your family. It probably won't be easy, but you have great gifts and creativity. My prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteBeen there, and frequently! I spent my first five to six years out of college telling people I was a "seasonal" radio personality, I got hired at a new radio station every fall and fired, for some pretty amazing reasons, every spring. I was told "We're combining News and Sports, and since you don't know anything about sports, we can't use you anymore." I was told "We promised Kathy a full time job when she got her degree in Communications. But we don't have one, so we're giving her yours. Bye." In between I did interior drywall construction, fund raising, and a whole lot of nothing. You're very good at what you love to do, Randy, just take it one day at a time, write when the mood strikes! And thank God your wife has a really good job! In my prayers, old friend!
ReplyDeleteI was fired in 1994 just after buying our house and immediately after the birth of my son. I was devastated. I remember sitting on the couch that night telling Linda what had happened and weeping uncontrollably. As bad as it was to get up without gainful employment, the guilt-dreams were worse. Sleep was no respite for me.
ReplyDeleteWhat /was/ respite was sitting at my dining room table the morning after and reading through Matthew 6. Viewed through the lens of history, losing that job was the best thing that could have happened. It started me on a different path that led to learning the tools of the technical writer and being hired for a six month gig that has now stretched out to fifteen years. I didn't see any of that at the time. God knew what I needed, what we needed, and God has been faithful to us. I know you know this God. I have full faith He's working on something for you.